Things to do in Tesco's

For those of you who hate shopping and are constantly dragged around - here are some Spider1V things to do next time you are dragged out by the other half / or kids to do some shopping. And before you ask - yes - and that's why the Mrs now goes shopping on her own....

1. Take boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they are not looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle
4. Walk up to an employee and tell them in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happens.
5. Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Find a Deputy Manager and when they ask if they could help you, begin to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
7. Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror. pick your nose, and eat it.
8. While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle ask an assistant if they knew where the antidepressants were.
9. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.
10. In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.
11. Hide in a clothing! rack and when people browsed, yell 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
12. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the foetal position and scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'
13. If they have a fitting room go in, shut the door, waited a while; then yell, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

Spider1V - (Hates shopping and changed the name to Tesco's as people would think I am too posh if I left it as Waitrose)